bad days

that turn into bad weeks, that can turn into bad months. What does someone do. I swear I have tried so hard to be upbeat and happy, and at work it is easy.

But what do you do when you don't want to go home because of the gloom there? That is the point I am at. When you really love someone they say you have to accept them as they are. But what if in accepting that person as they are creates issues for you? What if being near that person is upsetting and/or depressing?

Do you try and help? I know I do, but with this relationship it just isn't helping. I know sometimes I think I know what a person needs and I am very intuitive and a lot of the time I am right. But what if that person doesn't see it or refuses to accept that help and/or advice?

Now I am in self-survival mode, I have to be. Being in a relationship can be toxic even if there isn't physical abuse. Mental and emotional abuse are also viable issues. And the abuse doesn't have to be directed to you, it can be direct at themselves. I am doing that person no good by feeding into that behavior. I think by my trying to 'save' them from themselves, I am becoming an enabler. What a nasty and vicious cycle.

I've been on this mary go round for a while now, is it time to get off, or can my heart and head handle another turn? If I stay on for another turn, this time will it do more severe damage to me? (I can honestly say I have no hope of it getting better.)

When is the correct time to say I'm sorry but I can't anymore? That time is never, ever easy to figure out. And if you do leave, do you shut everything to that part of your life off? I think so, or you will let yourself have false hopes. If things were going to change, they would have by now.

I can't allow myself to blame myself. I know in my heart of hearts that I have truly tried. That is all I can do. I have no right to expect anything of the other person. Their life is theirs, even when in a relationship.

So decisions need to be made. Decisions that will hurt, deeply, but I guess I have to pick the lesser of the two evils. Easier said than done.