Sign of the Times

Today I found out that my step-daughter and her husband of 1 year are thinking of calling it quits. She is young, but if you really think about it no matter the age when people get married, it is so rarely - til death us do part. I know I am one to talk having been married 3 times, but I think I may have FINALLY gotten a clue.

So many people of my age and younger are of the instant gratification era. I want it and I want it now and if I'm not happy with that, fine, I'll just go get something/one else.

When I look back, not that I would change anything because I wouldn't, but knowing what I know now about life, chances are I'd still be married to my first husband. He is a good man and the only reason I divorced him was because my eye was caught by someone else, and I was so immature that I thought oh this guy will be better. (Side bar: trust me I paid for that mistake!) But in the long run it all worked out, finally.

I think when people approach marriage they need to think deep and hard about what it means - til death do you part. Not until he doesn't take out the garbage, or not until she doesn't cook dinner for a week.

I have come to learn that if I put that person I love before myself, and that person does the same then we are good. I won't have to worry about me because they are and visa versa.

I will say there are several very valid reasons for divorce, if a person is taking advantage of you, or abusing you either physically or emotionally, then you have to go. But if there are just quirks that drive you crazy. Stop and think about compromise.

Each person is an individual and you cannot expect another person to do or even think or feel exactly as you do on all things. Thoughts and feelings about inanimate objects can be compromised. That doesn't mean you have to change the way you feel or think, but maybe now would be a good time to agree to disagree.

And in the courting process, so many of us put forth our very best behavior at all times. Then we get married and we feel, I don't know, maybe safe is the word, and we stop doing that. It is never time to stop being on your best behavior. And honesty is a key to all. Don't say you like something just because they do. If you don't say so, it may not be a deal breaker, but it may be and isn't it better to know now, before you take the big step of marriage?

All I guess I really want to say is take care and be cautious about relationships. Look deeply in your heart and see if this person satisfies all of the needs and desires you have. Do not settle, in the long run it won't work. You are precious and important and you deserve the very best. So take your time and learn all you can about yourself and this other person. There is no shame in saying no if you aren't very close to totally happy.

Let's make marriage a scared event again, let's make til death us do part a true desire in marriage.

So before you take the plunge, ask yourself, is this forever??