A How-to Manual

That is what I wrote today for my boyfriend. It is three pages long, font is 10 pt and the margins are .5 all the way around.

I have told him what upsets me, I told him what I like, how I want him to treat me. Basically a step-by-step guide on how to make me happy. And if I were to list it here I know most guys would say, is that all? Geez, she is easy to keep happy. And I am. I want what all human beings want, someone to love me, to want me happy, someone that will allow me to help them in the ways I know I can, and wants to help me in the ways I know they can.

I know there are many books and web sites that give ideas on how to be romantic or funny or to solve issues. I love going through them and finding what others have done in my situation. Sometimes it gives me a fresh perspective and a different angle for approaching it.

But in doing what I did today, I don't think it was a bad idea. I would love for him to take the time and do the same for me, say this is exactly what I need from you.

So here is my thought for the day, let's take a strain out of our relationships. Relationships are hard enough as it is. So take a moment of quiet time and make a list of what would make you happy. Sit on it a day or two and look it over again and make any changes or additions to it and then give it to your loved one. I bet, I honestly bet they would really appreciate it. (Unless they have found an ESP class and can read your mind, how are they supposed to know exactly and for sure what it is you want and need?)

I would even go so far as to suggest to write down things you'd like to do. I know the economic issues for most of us preclude that romantic trip to Paris, but what about a romantic picnic of KFC in the park? Heck, bologna and cheese sandwiches and cheetos would work for me. Just the fact that thought was put into it, makes it romantic.

Relationships always hit bumps, the sign of a true loving relationship is how we deal with those bumps. Do we run off and slam doors? Or do we give each other a cooling off time, then come back and sensibly discuss what the issue was. And not just talking but really listening to the other person. I learned in a class from somewhere a good way to discuss an issue is when someone tells you what is upsetting them, you say it back to them in different terms, to show that one, you really were listening and that two, that you do understand what point they are trying to make.

It isn't an easy thing to do, we all want to say it isn't my fault, not me, no way. But maybe it is. Be a strong enough person and value your relationship enough to say, yes I was wrong and then do what you can to make it up. Yes, saying I'm sorry is a good start, but those are just words. Actions are wonderful. I know when my boyfriend comes in with a wildflower he picked for me while he was walking the dog, even saying it was from the dog. That puts the smile back on my face and the glow of our love surrounds us both.

So please, for the sake of happiness all around, write your list of what makes you happy and share it with your partner. And ask them to do the same for you. With you both thinking of the other, you will be amazed at how many of your needs are being met, without you even having to say anything anymore.

Love is a wondrous emotion and we all want and need it in our lives. It is work, but the work is so rewarding when it is done right.