Meditation

Let's just say boy do I agree, not an easy task. I did as I said I would - give myself a pat on the back - and got up when Will went out with the dog. I had found a meditation CD that I had. I looked at it on the computer and saw one track was for 9:02 minutes. I thought, okay good start. First thing tomorrow.

Went out with Will and Deuce again last night. That makes six days in a row. Again, another pat on the back, having said I would I have been. bev was supposed to come, but her mom's puppy isn't well so she was helping her. But the day was beautiful. Las Vegas has the best weather ever. It wasn't too hot, and Deuce was happy. He even flushed out a bunny.

Then home to my guilty pleasure - American Idol. Then to bed. Did have a great dream, had Bret Michaels in it. Yummy!

So this morning I got up when Will and Deuce went out. Went into the living room and put in my meditation music. I sat on the couch - opened the curtains and let the sunshine in and sat up straight and hit play. Saying to myself 'breathe in, breathe out' and of course everything else flooded my brain. I remembered a clearing I had in Michigan where I would go and meditate and other issues and stuff, but I kept pushing them away and say to myself 'breathe in, breathe out'. So I can't call my first meditation session a success, well other than the fact that I actually did it, that is a success. But I did it for 9 full minutes and it really didn't seem that long a time. So I am not discouraged at all. I will be up to do it again tomorrow.

I am chatting with my friend bev and we are having major flashbacks. Remembering those stars and shows of yesteryear. Like Emergency, and our heartthrobs, Peter Frampton and Leif Garrett and Tom Jones. It is a lot of fun.

Will asked me today if we were on the same path. I told him of course, I can tell he is somewhat intimidated by my becoming a person in my own standing. He and I have had such a different relationship for so long, I can understand his concern. But, of course, I reassured him. I don't have to be alone to find myself and to empower myself. As a matter of fact I truly believe I'd do better with his support. I want him and I to grow together. The way we were before, that was not happening. And as with all change and all people, it will take him time to get used to it too, as it is taking time for me to figure out how to do it. Like I said at the beginning of my blog patience isn't my virtue, but I am trying to cultivate it.

This is day 7 of my blog. I have kept my word to myself. That in and of itself is empowering. Still not out of the woods yet though, manys a time I've started something not to finish. But something this time is different. Something within me is different. I want this badly, I want it for myself, for my relationship and for my family. Making myself all I can be, I know, will benefit every area of my life. So forward I go, a step at a time, a day at a time, pushing and prodding when necessary, but nonetheless - forward.