Meditation Part 2

Well, let's just say it hasn't gotten any easier. (Granted it is only day two.) I have now found out I can multi-task while meditating. Which is NOT what is supposed to be happening. I am supposed to be freeing my mind, opening it up for new and wondrous news and information (okay, I'd just settle for more peace of mind :)). Again, I got up this morning and went into the living room, put on my meditation music - the 9 minute one again - and proceeded to relax. Yeah, right. So many thoughts started zooming through my head. I was actually thinking of what I wanted to write here. I even tried to think in my head - gurgle gurgle like the meditation music. To no avail. But I did sit still for the full 9 minutes again. Small achievement, yet still an achievement.

So this time instead of going to the internet I hit the library website. I love Henderson Libraries. I can search for any book, music cd, and even DVD's, tell them what library I want to pick them up at and then when I check my account on line they tell me when they are ready for pick up and they are now on a shelf in the front of the library, waiting for me. Too cool. Anyway, I digress. I found about 5 books and a CD regarding meditation. Somewhere in one of them has to be the key that fits my lock. The lock that is keeping me from being able to 'free my mind'. But I have not given up, nor will I.

The dog walking last night started off a little rough. Will goes back and forth from admiring me for my efforts to improve myself to being, I think, scared of what I might become. I again reassured him that this isn't to get me away from him, but to make myself a better secure person in myself. And that will really be a benefit for us both. After a few minutes of each of us in a huff, the huff passed and we walked and played with Deuce and by the time we got home, peace had again prevailed.

I knew this would be hard for him at times. Change in anyone or anything can be scary. I do my best to reassure him. I thought it would be harder for me that it has been. I am really proud of myself. Keeping my word to myself for this length of time has never really happened. I'm always good for a day or two, but now over a week. Wow is all I can say. I guess that tells me what I am doing is right for me. I have finally come to realize what I need and because I am satisfying that need, it isn't as hard as it was when I was going against the grain of my needs.

My friends are proud of me, I so appreciate their support. My sis says I sound happier. And I am, I have given up the responsibility of other peoples emotional well-being, not totally but to the extent of where that was damaging me emotionally, and am working on me. I know it sounds selfish, but everyone says you can't truly love someone else properly until you love yourself properly. I agree.