Brick Walls

How many times do we have to hit brick walls before we understand that they hurt? How many times do we have to put our hand on the hot stove to figure out, not a smart thing to do?

Well, yesterday I found out my limit. I have had an issue in my life for 7 years now. And most times it all seems just fine. But then boom, I hit that brick wall again. And this time I think I finally knocked some sense into myself.

We all want our life to be good and happy and we want the people around us happy and good too. But, when it all comes down to it the only one we are really and truly responsible for is ourselves. We see those in our lives heading along the wrong path and we do everything in our power to stop them. We stand in their way, we yell at them to come back, we beg and plead and cry and all to no avail. Then we blame ourselves for that other person's issues. What could I have done to make it change for them, what did I do wrong, why aren't they listening to the words from my heart and taking them for how they are really meant? As encouragement and support, not put downs.

For some people, no matter what we say, they will twist it all around and make it negative. We can tell them the sky is blue and it is a beautiful day, but they will look off into the distance and see rain clouds, even if there aren't any.

When we love someone we feel it is our responsibility to make that person happy. And the way to do that is by showering them with our love and wisdom and advice. Wrong.

I finally learned - the hard way - that just isn't so. No matter what we say or do or try, they will only hear what is in their heart. And if their heart is full of negatives and put downs, that is what they will hear. No matter what we say.

The only ones that can make changes in their lives are themselves. That is a tough pill to swallow. We know in our hearts we are only saying good things to them, but they neither cannot nor will not hear the positive. It is all bad to them. So at some point we will hit that brick wall, hard, and it will finally be driven home to us there is nothing we can do. Nothing at all.

So we need to take steps back, maybe a couple of steps, maybe miles back. And allow them to live their lives. To sink or swim on their own. We need to allow that, no matter how hard it is. When we love someone we want to take all their hurts and pains onto ourselves, but all that serves is bringing us down and into their pity party. And that helps no one. Pity parties for a brief moment, can be satisfying. But if they become your way of life, they will mire you down in their bog and you will lose. Now you can stay there and slowly sink away or you can figure a way out. Pull out all your MacGyver tricks and save yourself.

Every person on this earth matters in one way or another. You need to look inside yourself and find your spot, find the place you matter to yourself.

So instead of trying to help the world, or even your significant other, the only one you can really help is yourself. If you are in a toxic relationship, and they refuse to help themselves, get out.

No matter how bad it hurts, if the person you are with absolutely refuses to help themselves, there is nothing you can do. You know how very bad it hurts to offer advice to deaf ears, I have learned that and I recommend you save yourself. No matter the pain of the matter now, you need to think what is best for you in the long run. Hitting your head against the brick wall until you smash your skull in then you are no good to anyone, least of all yourself. Or you can leave that brick wall behind you. Skirt around it and go forward and don't look back. What ifs will kill you. The only thing you have complete control over is yourself. If you master that, then you will find peace and joy in your life. And no matter our age, we all deserve more days of true peace and joy than of sadness and depression. Just settling for what you can get, not what you deserve is wrong. Do not do that to yourself. Value yourself enough to give yourself what you deserve, true peace and joy.