Stomping on your Zen

Today is the first day this has really happened to me. With my new attitude and growth, stomping on my Zen is very hard to do. But today it happened. And what is aggravating is that it is a work issue. Not my fault, but I am left with the clean up so to speak.

What is really upsetting me is that I am letting it upset me. I know it is upsetting me because I am a person that wants to fix things. I want things to be right and I don't like when they aren't. When things aren't running smoothly, I get ruffled. I need to step back and look at this situation.

Like I said, not my fault that this issue has arisen, it happened before my time. I felt a person was taken advantage of and that really makes me mad. But I wasn't there at the time. Now the matter has fallen into my lap and I have been dealing with it for 4 days.

I need to realize that I cannot save the world. I need to know and understand that there are wrongs that I can't right. For me that is hard. I've always been a solver of everyone else's problems. And I think that is a big part of why I lost myself and have had to step back and think of myself for now. My wants, needs and desires had been pushed aside for a long time and instead of standing up and saying, Hey! I just let myself get rolled over. No more.

I have decided to take a breath, several in fact, and let the tension within myself just flow out. A very good use for my meditation breathing. As much as I'd like to think of myself as superwoman, I'm not. I'm a human being with flaws and frailties and good thoughts and hope and even, maybe, some wisdom from my 47 years on this planet.

So, as of now no more will I allow anything to stomp on my Zen, and if my Zen is threatened I will take the time I need to fight back. What is nice about fighting for Zen is that it is non-violent, it is peaceful and calm. Doing my breathing exercises, going outside and staring off into the distance at the mountains, letting my mind go blank and my soul absorb the wonder of Mother Earth. (Vegas has great mountains.) Connecting with my innerself again. Understanding that I am only one person and that while I will do what I can, I cannot, by myself, solve the issues of the whole world. I have my world to take care of.

Maybe down the road I will receive a calling to take on more than just myself. But for now, I am enough, trust me.