It has been a while my old friends

6 months it has been. And a lot has gone on in my life and 99.9% of it has been (and will continue to be) wonderful!

When I started this blog I was using it as a place to vent, to mentally work out the issues that I was having, and to get what was inside of me out.

Now I have the yen to write again. But for different reasons this time. I am very happy and sometimes feel like if I don't let some of this goodness out of me I'll explode and the room will be covered in happy, sunshiney goo.

So let's get the bad stuff out of the way first. The .1%.

There are days, or rather nights, when I miss being held as I fall asleep. But when I wake up the next morning, all is well. I don't have someone elses alarm waking me up before I am ready and I don't have to worry about waking someone else up when I do get up. So I wake up with a smile and all is right with my world.

Then there are days and nights when I miss my kids like absolutely crazy. Those are the hardest days and nights. Then I talk to them and they reassure me that I am a good mom (boy, have I got them fooled! lol) and they love me and they know I love them and all is right. (Side note: I have the absolute most wonderful children in the whole wide world, and no I'm not biased!)

And in that .1% was a very good friend that did me wrong. But she isn't worth the time it would take to type the story. Let's just say I got schooled on this person and got smart and she is no longer a part of my life, nor will she ever be again. And that is SO her loss.

So, 99.9% of the days are like today. I wake up smiling and feeling that all is right with my world and I feel so blessed in so many ways.

So what has been going on the past months?? I'll highlight them first, then explain in detail further on down.

First and probably most important I'm off those anti-depressants!Then I have joined a foodie group called Chef's Table. And the best part ever is I have started running in the mornings and have become totally addicted to endorphins.

About the anti-depressants, I started them again about 6 years ago, not because I felt I needed them but because someone else did. And I know that a person on the outside looking in may have more information to go on based on my actions and moods, but this one didn't. But I loved him so I did as he asked. In February I asked my therapist about stopping the zoloft and xanax. When I explained the reason I took them, he agreed with me. So he weaned me off and my last therapist's appointment was in March and I have not looked back. Of course I was hyper-vigilant about my moods and how I felt, and I was worried that maybe I would need my meds. I had started walking around my neighborhood for exercise for 50 minutes a day, 5 days a week. The exercise, combined with being out in the sunshine, is the best drug ever! And as time passed I knew that zoloft would never be in my system again.

Then in June I started adding some running to my walking. I'd say I am now at 65% running and 35% walking. I get up 5 days a week at 6:30 a.m. and roll out of bed, put my shorts and running shoes on and off I go. When I get home I am hot, sweaty and exhilarated! I can see the difference in my body. I have lost a lot of weight (not all I want too, I like eating too much! lol) and I feel just right. (For those of you who have been or are on anti-depressants you'll understand what I mean and how important that is.) My whole day is marked by that run. Yesterday I had a slight injury - my piriformis muscle was acting like a sciatic nerve. And I couldn't run yesterday or today. I did walk, but it so is not the same. I can feel the difference. But I'd rather baby my piriformis muscle for a couple of days, than not be able to run for weeks. But tomorrow I have to run! I need my addiction of endorphins to be fed. lol

My Chef's Table group is wonderful. I found it on meetup.com when I was looking for a writing group. With this group we have wonderful themed potlucks or go to different restaurants. This Saturday is a tapa's party. Tapa is Spanish for appetizers. I love the potlucks the best because I can try so many different foods. It is like a free buffet! But the most important part of the Chef's Table are the people. All ages and types but all so wonderful and kind. Verna, the ring leader of our group, is like a surrogate mom to me.

I have gone on a few dates, but no one has made me want to invite them into my life all the way.

Which is probably why I am writing in my blog again. Not to work through issues this time, but to let others know that being single is wonderful and no one absolutely needs a partner in life to have a fun, happy, exciting and successful life. I have found that I am my own best company. I don't get on my nerves, I don't expect too much from me and I never fail myself. I am very good to myself, I treat myself well and I am very happy with who I am.

So I am not going to stress about not having a man in my life. I look at my life how it is and don't see how another person, at this point in time, will add to what I need or want.

Do I believe that one day Mr. Right will come along. Sure I do. But am I holding my breath and feeling desperate? Not at all!

Losing Focus

I'm becoming less defined as days go by fading away well you might say I'm losing focus....
Ms. Laura Tharp

I was cruising Facebook today (who wasn't, lol) and came across something my little sis said. And it struck a cord with me so I do what I normally do and blog about it.

She says she is losing focus, fading away. Well, she has every reason to get lost in her life, she is working and going to school full time. Life does get manic and I very much understand what she is saying.

But giving the wisdom of my age (hey, I gotta get something for living this long!) I said to her to take some time away from it all. Do something that you really like, like go get an ice cream cone and eat it slowly. The only real rule is you have to put everything aside for that time, the TV, the school work, the job - all of it. And focus on the goodness of yourself. Don't allow yourself to think of anything important or necessary.

My favorite thing to do is to go outside and look at nature. Not just see it, but really look at it. Go up to a tree and examine the bark, look at all the nook and crannies. Find a flower, even in a grocery store for those of you in those silly cold states, and study it. What color is it really? How many petals does it have? What is the texture of the petals?

When you make your mind focus on the beauty of the world around you and give yourself a real break, you will find that when you allow your mind to go back to work and the studies that you will have a fresher, more lively outlook. Things will be clearer and easier to understand.

I know you are saying, I can't do that, I have no time. That is a load of horse droppings! Yes, I will admit it is hard to do - who would have thought looking at nature is hard - but it is. As we grow up we make the mistake of thinking we have to leave our childhood behind us. We don't, we just need to pack it in a cotton lined box so that when we need it, it is all safe and sound for us to take out.

Doing something silly or relaxing or joyful with no thought of important stuff allowed - as when we were children (my biggest concern was getting the proper leaves for my mud pie) - will give our mind, body and soul the break it so desperately needs and so richly deserves.

Then when we again come to the 'hard' stuff our focus will be back and we will see that we have again found ourselves.

I Am Ozzy*

Sorry it has been a long time, but after I had written so many blogs I had put a lot of what I wanted to say out there. But today, as I was reading (and you all know sometimes in the stuff I read I get my ideas) I Am Ozzy (Ozzy Osbourne's autobiography) - a truly awesome book. I actually giggle out loud a lot while reading this. I came across something that truly makes sense. And I am going to take it straight from Ozzy's book. I hope he doesn't mind, because I am giving him full and complete credit.

I reckon hating someone is just a total f**king waste of time and effort. What do you get out of it in end? Nothing. I’m not trying to come over like the Archangel Gabriel here. I just think if you’re pissed off with someone, call them an arsehole, get it out of your system, and move on. It’s not like we’re on this earth very long.
Ozzy Osbourne, I Am Ozzy

When I read that it kind of hit me hard. I, and I am not proud to say, have been harboring a hate toward someone. But when I read that statement, I said you know what, I am letting that go. I have already called him an unpleasant word, to his face and in my mind many times. And I have also let that feeling disturb good times. So, no more.

Yes, it is easier said than done, but I know that as with all things, the more I practice the easier it will get. I am taking advice from the 'Prince of Darkness' and not letting darkness invade my life. And hate is most assuredly darkness.

My life is going very well and I truly thank all the Powers That Be for that. I so hope the same for you!

Today I Become a Big

A Big Sister that is, through the Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS)program. I have wanted to volunteer for a long time now and just could never find something that really seemed to be my niche. I work right next to the BBBS office and I got their mail one day in my work mail so I took it over there and it just struck me to ask about how do I become a Big Sister. I met a very nice man, Ed, and he filled me in and then forwarded me the paperwork and I filled it out and sent it back. He said I'd have to have an interview and when the interview came I became even more motivated.

I have 3 super wonderful children. And bless their hearts they say I am a good mom. And I feel confident in the way I raised them. So that makes me feel that maybe I can help a Little to become a better person too. It is so important to help the children grow into good and kind adults. I am proud of who I am, I am a confident, well-mannered, smart woman and I also know if given the chance all children can be additions to our society. If we give them hope that their future can be better, then they will try for it.

I hate to think of all the children that get lost in the cracks. And if I can prevent that happening to even one child, then I have helped our world.

I used to think that I couldn't do anything to better our planet, but now I feel differently. I think I have found my way, the children are our future, and if I can help steer them in the proper direction and like I said, give them hope, then I have done my part.

I am excited about making my contributions to our future. Maybe the Little I help one day will become President. With hope and love, anything is possible!

Thermometers and Thermostats

I'm reading Andre Agassi's book called Open. I've never been much of a tennis fan but of course I know who he is. The day of my car trouble I picked up his book, cause it was there, and got totally involved. I highly recommend it.

He has a close circle of friends, people he goes to when he needs certain things. Each friend has a special place in his world. His 'advisor' on things personal is a friend, J.P., a one-time minister. Andre is on his way to meet who will become his new wife, Stefani Graff, and he is nervous so he calls for a pep talk. J.P. tells him:

'Andre, he says, some people are thermometers, some are thermostats. You're a thermostat. You don't register the temperature in a room, you change it.'

That is a very interesting way of looking at things. What do you want to be? Do you just want to feel the temperature of the room or do you want to change it? I want to be the one to change it in a positive manner. To do that I have to change the way I think of myself. I don't want to just go in and gauge the temperature, if it is cold or sad or ornery, I want to change it to warm, sunny, happy and bright. So I have decided that from now on I'm going to be a thermostat.

When I enter the room I am going to do my best to change the temperature in that room from cloudy with a chance of rain to warm sunshine and bright blue skies.

How can I do that you may ask? Well, by being sunshine and blue skies myself. I feel that everyone of us has the ability to be a termostat, to change the atmosphere around us for the better, just by being happy ourselves.

No, we won't be that way every day, but if we work towards it, it will be come the norm, the way you are most of the time.

I have also found that if I am in a down mood and a friend is in a down mood and I take it upon myself to make that person feel better, no matter how I feel, when I come out of the other end, I find that I too, am in a better mood. You may have been faking it at the beginning, but in the end, you will find that in making the other person's day better, you've made your's better too.

As always, the choice is yours, what do you want to be, someone who just feels the tension or gloom in a room and just let it roll over you - the thermometer, or do you want to make a positive change when you enter a room of gloom - the thermostat?

For myself, I pick the termostat, the pleasure I get by seeing a smile on someone else's face, a smile I put there, is a wonderful reward and is worth an elephant's weight in gold!

My Terms

I was just rereading my profile - I had to change my age, ugh! - and it said 'on my terms'. Which got me to thinking, what are my terms? That phrase is often bantered about, but when asked exactly what our terms are, many of us just get a blank look on their face.

So today I am going to think about what my terms are.

To do that I think we have to look at our priorities. My first priorities are my children and grandchildren. And now my second, but still very, very close to the first priority is myself. It has been a very long time since I've cared basically only for me.

My terms are 1) no one will tell me what is good for me, I will figure that out for myself, 2) I will give myself nice things and feel I deserve them, 3) I will give of myself to others, only to the degree I want to, 4) my physical and mental health is now an important issue, not because I'm sick, but because I don't want to get sick.

In writing those down and putting them out there in the universe for all to see, I feel, even more, the strength of my convictions. I am an important person, and if I am the only one to take care of me I'm going to do a darn good job of it. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone take care of me, yes it would. But it shouldn't be the only way I get taken care of. No one knows me better than me, so know one can care for me the way I can. And - here is an important point - I deserve it, I deserve the very best I can get. We all do.

Don't let someone take so much from you that there is nothing left. Even it is starts with 15 minutes locked in the bathroom with a good book, take it you deserve it. If you see a pretty scarf and it's in your budget, buy it, get the kids or husband/boyfriend/girlfriend something the next time. Treat yourself to something that you enjoy, a simple, quiet walk in the park, take yourself to lunch, soak in a bubble bath. It doesn't have to be a big extravagant affair, but if it can be - go for it!

Each of us, as individuals, need to realize what our terms are and get those terms fulfilled the way YOU need them to be.

Affirmations in Passwords

Affirmations are wonderful things. They give us a burst of inspiration or reminders when we need them about important things. The most common affirmations are those we either find or better yet, make up for ourselves, that mean something to us personally.

I have found new ways to use those affirmations. What do you type a lot of?? Passwords! So I have take postive words and made them my passwords, so when I sign into my email account, I get an affirmation, when I sign in to my library account, I get an affirmation, etc.

I have found that affirmations don't have to be long drawn out poems. Just a couple of words works so well. I do have some that are a bit longer, and those are good to, but because they aren't always right in front of me, I don't benefit from them as often.

And what is cool about affirmations are they are yours and yours alone. To that end we also know when making a password we want them as strong as possible. So here are some tricks I learned about making passwords strong.

1. For an e use a 3
2. For for use a 4
3. For please spell it plez or even pl3z
4. And always mix up caps and letters and numbers.

Use your imagination, you'll be surprise at what you can come up with.

This also makes it easier to remember your password and when you type it, it just doesn't get you into your program, it gives you a little shot in the moral booster.

Everytime I type a password in, I get a smile. And it also reminds me of what I, for myself, need to work on. And since I type it several times a day, I get reminded several times a day.

So take a moment and think of a very short phrase, a word or two, that is important to you. Say you want to lose weight - here's is an idea for a password: Eat4H3aLth. Eat for Health. I bet if you put that to a password strength test, it will be a good one.

Realize that life is so important and you are an important part of this world. And do not be afraid to tell yourself frequently.